Author: Alphe

New Year’s Resolutions 2018

New Year’s Resolutions 2018

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Hello.

As I promised in my previous post, I’m going to go through my New Year’s resolutions now. I never used to make any resolutions, but this time I really needed to start working on improving my life and it just happened to be around New Year’s, so I came up with a plan to work on from January 1st. All of my resolutions are very long-term but with my current level of desperation I’m hopeful and truly believe that I can complete them all.

Work out every day

Yes, yes. I know. The most repeated, cliché resolution of all times. But the reasons why I decided to put it on my list aren’t exactly the same as most people have. Instead of aiming for weight loss, which I don’t really need, I want to exercise to strengthen my back – in my previous post I mentioned my health problems from last autumn, which kept me in bed for a very long time. In more detail, I had problems with my back, most likely caused by lack of exercise and fully sedentary lifestyle (being a programmer at work and a gamer in spare time surely doesn’t benefit your health 😉 ). So to prevent any further problems in the future I really, really need to exercise regularly.

But there’s also another reason why working out is a good resolution for me. It’s the only resolution that requires actual physical effort from me and when I exercise every day without exceptions it helps me immensely stay disciplined and stick to my daily plan overall. After all, if I managed to work out hard for 35 mins (that’s my daily goal), then skipping a resolution that can be done from the comfort of my chair or even bed would be stupid, wouldn’t it?

Note from myself, 5 years later:  It’s interesting to read this one. I’ve been fairly active since 2018 indeed, but in 2023 I actually smashed this resolution… without even making it a resolution! I signed up to a new local gym that opened on January 6th and I fell in love with doing group classes. When at home and in good health, I do go to the gym 5 days a week, plus stay highly active on the remaining two days. Just like that, without any effort. It’s part of my lifestyle and I can’t imagine it any other way.

Plan each day

This is just a small resolution that, along with working out, is supposed to help me stay disciplined and make sure I don’t become lazy and try to skip any goals. Even though all of my resolutions are daily based, some of them – as you’ll see – are rather general and the exact work done on them can vary greatly between days. That’s why planning it in advance is helpful – I try to be realistic and set my agenda so that I’m actually able to do all the tasks planned and at the same time so that I get some good chunk of work done. Takes only 3 minutes a day but really helps a lot. I like to write my plan down on paper, in my calendar. There’s nothing more satisfying than crossing things off to do lists 😀

Note from myself, 5 years later: Another interesting point to read. I never managed to complete this resolution, but I try to get into the habit of planning each day the evening before every couple of months. Haven’t managed to make it a routine still, but I’ll certainly keep trying.

Improve my English

Okay, now getting to the main points. Currently my life revolves around the dream of moving abroad and all doubts and uncertainties about it. One of them is a question that keeps coming back to me like a boomerang: ‘Do I really know the language enough?’. I’m able to read books or watch films and YouTube videos in English without any problems (even if there’s a word I don’t know the meaning of I usually understand it from the context) and I believe I’m also able to make myself understood when I speak the language myself. But as the perfectionist that I’ve always been, I want more. I’ve had this idea of learning a dictionary by heart for ages and I feel like it’s about time I did that. No, hear me out, I’m not crazy. I hope I’m not. It’s totally doable. I have that little dictionary that I got for Christmas when I was in… first grade? Obviously it doesn’t contain all words used in contemporary English but the description on its cover says it covers about 50 000 words… and I believe it’s enough for the start. Sounds scary, but I know the majority of them, so I’m not going to have to learn 50 thousand new words or expressions, don’t you worry. My goal is to learn new vocabulary from one page each day. Only one page. On average it’s about… 30 words per day? After a week I can say that it’s totally doable – with the good memory I’ve always had, learning 30 words a day shouldn’t be a problem for me, especially that the number doesn’t only include words that are completely new to me but also those that I simply don’t use enough. To make sure I don’t skip any days and to keep myself motivated I wrote a date at the bottom of each page – and it looks like I should be done in the middle of October. Considering that it’s something I’d been planning to do for ages, I’m sure that if I stick to the plan for those 10 months my future self will be unbelievably grateful. I’ll definitely update you on how I’m doing in this matter in a few weeks time. Currently my plan is to each day go through the vocabulary meant for that day and repeat words from the last 3 days. Then on weekends I’m going to revise the whole week and at the end of each month – the whole month. The first week proved successful but I’m fully aware that it’ll most likely get harder with time. Nevertheless, I still believe it’s possible. And even if I don’t manage to memorize everything, I’m sure I’ll still learn a lot.

Note from myself, 5 years later: Yeah… no. I never managed to learn the whole dictionary. A part of me still wants to, but ain’t nobody got time for that! I’m able to communicate my thoughts in English, and that’s good enough. Instead of trying to memorise the fancy, obscure words no one uses on a daily basis, I’m focusing my energy on learning a brand new language, in hopes to be able to have a fluent conversation in three languages some day. I’ve been doing daily lessons in Spanish on Duolingo for over 4 years now and although my Spanish is still pretty basic, I can see that I’m improving month by month.

Read a book each month

There are two reasons for this resolution to be on my list. First of all, I used to be a bookworm and I feel awful spending all my time on a computer and reading no books whatsoever nowadays. One book per month isn’t much, so I should be able to do it with close to no effort – I used to read one book per 2-3 days, so one per month seems like nothing. Secondly, this resolution is closely related to the previous one due to the fact that I’m going to read those books in English. In this case, however, my focus isn’t on the vocabulary. Instead, I’d like to concentrate on how words in books are put together to create that beautiful, vivid, cohesive, poetic style. Without paying too much attention to it though. I simply believe that the more I read the more natural that style will feel and I’ll be encouraged to construct my own sentences using more sophisticated and varied vocabulary instead of always choosing the same set of worn out, popular, overused words.

Note from myself, 5 years later: Another failed one. To this day, I keep telling myself that I should start reading regularly, for a variety of reasons and benefits. I keep buying books in charity shops, but most of them end up on the bookcase gathering dust. One day, for sure…

Work on potentially starting a side business in my spare time

Now here’s the tricky bit. I’m going to write a separate post about this issue, but here’s a brief explanation: if I actually manage to move abroad, having some extra source of income from my personal, freelance work will be incredibly helpful, even if I was to only make 50 quid a month. Money is often considered a taboo, but in actuality it’s something we can’t live without, and, unfortunately, it becomes even more of an issue if you plan on moving to a place with much stronger currency and – sadly – much higher costs of living. I’m currently looking into two fields – creating and selling handmade crafted items and digital 3D models, but I’m open for other opportunities as well. More on this topic in a separate post later this week 🙂

Note from myself, 5 years later: Oh yes. Classic. This one comes back like a boomerang every few months. Technically, I have sold a few handmade items online (I made some naturalistic reptile hides – I even have a blog post about it), making a total of maybe £20 profit. Nothing sustainable though. But I keep dreaming. One day… one day, I will achieve this goal.

Focus on myself

This one is certainly easier said than done. The main area of life in which I need to improve on being selfish are relationships. I’m still the kind of person who will do everything to make the other person happy while also getting attached to them way too easily. I write fairy tales in my head in the very early stage of a relationship and then cry for weeks when the story doesn’t end with ‘lived happily ever after’. I do it every time and really, it’s about time I stopped. Although fairy tales do sometimes happen in real life, my statistics clearly show that they must be in the minority and if I don’t want to suffer once again I should pinch myself really hard every time I let my imagination go too far when things aren’t fully sorted and functioning. I even wrote a post about why it’s good to be selfish and I should probably finally listen to myself.

Note from myself, 5 years later: I think I’m destined to be this type of person. Always a giver, never a taker. Since 2018 I’ve had two more failed relationships, and in both of them I failed to be selfish and prioritise myself when I should have. Hopefully, I’ll be wiser next time round.

(Move to the UK)

Here it is. The main goal that’s supposed to be easier to achieve thanks to all previous ones. Now here’s how I see it: I’d like to move before the first batch of Brexit provisions goes live, which I believe is supposed to happen in March 2019. Or actually, I should probably have my life sorted there by that time, meaning that I need to have a place to live in and a sustainable source of income (so a job in my career field). What I believe should be achievable is moving around September-October, taking two months to deal with all formalities and get used to the new place, potentially doing a simple job part-time until mid December while slowly looking for a job in my field. Then I’d go home for Christmas (I know for sure that me moving abroad will be a tough experience for my family, so going back home for a couple of weeks not too long after moving should make it easier for all of us). And after New Year’s I’d have to either start a new, steady job or focus all my strength and effort on finding one. Sounds easy… but I know it won’t be, haha.

That’s the sketch of the whole process that has formed in my head. Obviously, with something so complex I have to expect unexpected and I’m fully aware of how different reality can be to the most meticulously carved plans and ideas. Either way, I still have a few months left before I need to make any serious decisions, so aside from keeping abreast of jobs and estate rental markets I don’t have much to do in this subject just yet.

Note from myself, 5 years later: Here it is. The big one. That was my resolution for 2018, but in reality, it was my biggest dream since I was about 8 years old. And… I made it. I moved to London in September 2019 – slight delay from the original resolution, but I’ve lived in London since. As with everything in life, there have been ups and downs. But I reached my biggest dream and I’m glad I did.

Proper skincare & getting more sleep

On a less serious note… or actually, who said skincare isn’t serious? These two came to my mind while I was writing this post and I’m adding them to my resolutions. I’m always tired in the evening and usually end up not even using any cream – I can’t see how bad it is for my skin just yet, but I’m pretty sure my future self will appreciate present me taking proper care of my skin. And about sleep… I usually go to bed late, trying to use as much free time in the evening as possible. But in all honesty, I constantly feel like a zombie and the time I have is never spent efficiently. I’m not expecting miracles and I know that with my lifestyle I can’t get 8 hours of sleep every day, but I’ll be happy if I manage to get even 30 minutes extra every day.

Note from myself, 5 years later: Still horrible in the skincare department. It’s a bit ironic that now I’ll pay hundreds of pounds every few months to put Botox in my frown lines, but I still can’t build a habit of putting cream on my face every night, which is a much easier and cheaper thing to do.

That’s it when it comes to my resolutions for 2018. Ambitious? Maybe. Doable? Absolutely. I’ll make an update on my resolutions at the end of each month to remind myself of the goals I’ve set for this year and – hopefully – to get that extra motivation seeing how successful I’ve been. We’ll see how it goes!

Small weekend beauty/makeup haul

Small weekend beauty/makeup haul

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Hello everybody! I hope you’re having a wonderful weekend.

I popped into a drugstore yesterday aaaand oops, I did it again – I ended up buying a few bits and bobs.

First things first, the essentials: dry shampoo is something I use every single day and I just have to always have a good supply of it. I trust Batiste and never really try out other brands. Currently I’m using a tropical one, my next choice was an oriental scent.

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A good old Carmex is something I need to have in every bag, in my desk at work, as well as in many random places at home. It’s the only chapstick that actually seems to work for me and I use it all year long. Also, for the first time ever, I recently actually managed to completely finish up one – usually I lose them before I get to the end. Yet another life achievement unlocked 🙂

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Moving to makeup category. I remember having a matte Color Tattoo eyeshadow ages ago. It didn’t work for me – I don’t know if it was the colour or the texture, but I ended up using it maybe a couple of times. However, I decided to give CT another try, this time picking a shimmery, Pink Gold shade. I bought it to use it for my day makeup, so I’m glad that the colour is very light and not heavily pigmented. I had it on for a few hours yesterday (I just needed to test it immediately 😀 ) and it stayed in place without rolling in the crease. So far so good, I have high hopes for this one. Maybe me and Color Tattoo can be friends after all 🙂

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I talked about this Paese bamboo powder in my favourites. I don’t use regular powders anymore, those rice/bamboo ones work wonders for me. Found this one on sale so decided to get it even though I already had an extra one at home.

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Onto contouring! After a not entirely successful experience I had in the past, I decided to give it another try. Bought this lovely egg-shaped Hakuro H13 brush (it’s soooo soft) and another bronzing contour powder, this time by Kobo  – I’m extremely happy with it, used it today in the morning and it seems like this can be me & contouring reunited. I love the shade which is quite ashy and not too dark or heavily pigmented (I’m pale white, most contour products are way too dark and orange for me). It also seems to blend very nicely. I’ll keep experimenting, but I’m really happy with this purchase so far.

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Last but not least: a Bell lip tint. I’ve been obsessed with lip products recently, but unfortunately none of them, even the long-lasting ones, make it to the end of my long day – even after 8 hours at work I usually only have some pathetic remains of the product. And if it wears off nicely and evenly, that’s fine – I can just reapply it. But some of them (especially matte liquid lipsticks) create a hard layer which looks horrible after a few hours and even worse when you try to reapply the product before washing the old remains first.

I’m drifting away. Lip tint. Decided to try it out hoping that it would last those 8 hours at work looking okay. Time will show, but the arm swatch test was promising. Bottom picture shows the tint directly after applying it, the top one was taken after around 2 hours. Looking good! I actually had a bath after taking that photo and the swatch didn’t completely wash off. Impressive! 🙂

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Spring In The Kitchen – Fresh Omelette

Spring In The Kitchen – Fresh Omelette

Hello again 🙂 As I was making food I thought I would share this simple idea for a fresh, spring omelette here. Cause, why not! Even if it’s winter outside (we still have tons of snow) you can make spring in your kitchen 🙂

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Feeling lonely? Prepare in advance and smash it with a simple plan!

Feeling lonely? Prepare in advance and smash it with a simple plan!

2016 was by far the worst year in my life. The breakup resulted in being alienated from the society for a very long time, and even now, a year later, I barely have any real contact with people. I can’t say I can always deal with loneliness when it hits me, but I feel like I’ve worked out a way to increase my chances of going through it easily and without a real breakdown.

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Healthy Eating Habits – Easy First Steps

Healthy Eating Habits – Easy First Steps

For the last few years I’ve been following quite healthy eating habits – not in an obsessive manner though. When a few months ago I graduated from university and started working full-time, I soon realised that the new lifestyle resulted in my habits getting worse – unhealthy snacks, heavy lunch meals in our on-site bar etc. I spent a while making a plan on how to improve in that field without too much effort and missing out on taste (my goal wasn’t weight loss diet but maintaining a healthy lifestyle that still contains delicious food). Here’s my list of ideas, some of them I’ve been following for a few years, the others for a few months only – but I already know they work for me and I definitely don’t constantly think that I’m missing out on something. Life’s too short to eat food we don’t like after all. 🙂

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The weirdest and most mysterious online relationship

The weirdest and most mysterious online relationship

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Hello and welcome back. Today, I’m coming with another storytime post. I’ve been thinking for quite a while whether I should post this, but I feel like the story is so unusual that it’s worth sharing. Until now, only 3 of my friends have heard about it.

I’ve always been more active online than in real life, so quite naturally I made a few online connections – some of them broke, some of them stayed. But there was one that made me completely baffled and it remains a mystery up to this day.

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Breakup anniversary

Breakup anniversary


Feeling lonely? Prepare in advance and smash it with a simple plan!


Happy New Year everyone! I need to start by saying that the Christmas time was extremely busy for me and that’s why I took a short break off blogging. There was no new episode of my You are what you eat series last week, but it will be coming tomorrow. Now, however, I’d like to talk about something else. I’ve mentioned a few times on this blog my failed relationship. Today, it’s been exactly a year since the breakup. And on that occasion, I thought I’d share the story with you.

I have to admit I used to be one of those believing that love only happens to everyone once and lasts a lifetime. I thought it was simply impossible to stop loving someone. Sadly, now I know how wrong I was.

I was in a relationship for nearly 3 years. We had both good and bad times, like every couple does, but I was convinced it would be the relationship for life. Unfortunately, with my caring nature, I soon got into the giver’s spot in that relation, while my ex-boyfriend stayed on a receiver’s position. And although I didn’t mind giving the loved person all the best, it wasn’t a balanced situation. Before I realised, it got to the point where all my effort was taken as a given and I couldn’t expect anything in return. Not that I had high expectations, but when, from time to time, I hoped for something small or asked him to do me a favour, it either went unlistened or was done with a lot of suffering and complaining. And each situation like that only led me to lower my expectations even more, ending up being left without any. Now I clearly see how bad it was, but even then I had that thought somewhere in the back of my head.

A month or two before Christmas 2015, I started to feel that the relationship was slowly but surely heading to its end. I didn’t want to believe in that and I was trying to push the last bits of hope to the top of my mind, but deep inside I knew it was going to end. I still loved him then, and I loved him many months after. But the day I found out he didn’t love me was the coldest day in my life, for many reasons. November 2015. Me, my ex-boyfriend and his best friend were hanging out in town. The plan was to go to a bar or two and just chat and enjoy ourselves. However, the two got a better idea mid-evening. They had a friend who then worked in a small petrol station in the suburbs – they wanted to go and visit him there. On most days I wouldn’t mind that. But that day was the beginning of winter, the weather was awful and the temperature was very low. And I was not prepared to spend the evening outdoors (the station only had a small cabin for the employees, we couldn’t all get inside). I have to say here that my cold tolerance is far below average – I’m the kind of person who often wears a jumper in 30°C cause it’s not warm enough to take it off. In winter, I can wear the thickest clothes I can find in stores and I’ll still be shaking and turning into a human icicle. And on that day I wasn’t even wearing the thickest coat, as winter came unexpectedly after a few warm weeks. Maybe it sounds silly, but physically it was one of the worst experiences of my life – spending around an hour trapped in the suburbs of my town, literally shaking from cold, because of an unplanned visit my company decided to pay their friend. I didn’t want to ruin their time so I just suffered in silence, jumping from foot to foot and walking in circles to warm up my body just a little bit. I didn’t want to say anything out loud, but soon it became clear how hard of a time I was having. And then I saw it. My ex looked at me, and in his eyes I saw ice, colder than the air between us. He didn’t say a single word, but his eyes did. ‘Stop being cold, can’t you see I’m having fun here?’. I realise how silly it sounds. But we were 24. Mature, adults. And he saw nothing wrong in me literally freezing because of his impromptu idea for some ‘fun’ meeting.

We stayed in the relationship for a while after that event. Christmas came and our tradition was to discuss the main gifts with each other, so that we could both get something we wanted or needed instead of a bunch of random, not necessarily needed or liked stuff. He had a very specific choice of the main gift he’d like to get, but only one online store sold it at that time. He sent me a link to the item saying he was aware that the gift would most likely arrive after Christmas. That’s indeed what happened, and January came. We decided to go to a cafe, where I could give him the gift and where we could spend a nice afternoon. Also, it happened to be the same cafe we went to on our very first date 3 years earlier. And those were the only two times we were there. The first, and what later turned out to be the last date.

We’d been in the cafe for around an hour, having a nice, argument-free time, when he said he didn’t feel well. He insisted on going to our homes and meeting again the day after or so. That’s what we did.

I got back home, got on my PC. So did he. And like always, we talked there… kinda. Basically, he just wrote to me to break up.

A 24-year-old educated man with a serious job, broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years on an online chat, right after taking her to the place where they went on their first date and having collected his Christmas gift. 2 weeks later, he spent a weekend around 300 kilometres away from home, with his new girlfriend.

We met twice after that, accidentally, many weeks later, and only exchanged a few words.

Looking back and trying to be objective, I did nothing to deserve that. And even if there were situations in which I did something wrong, I still believe that no one deserves being treated like that. One day you’re happy with your partner of a few years, the next day you get dumped via and online chat and never meet them again until some awkward moment months later.

The way it all ended should have shown me his real value. But although now I can say he was an asshole who never really respected me as a person, after the break-up I was completely devastated. Like, completely. I spent the first two weeks in bed. Crying, refusing to eat anything else than my sedative pills, crying some more and getting nearly no sleep due to my heart beating as if it was gonna try to escape from my body. I would have stayed there for even longer, if it wasn’t for my finals at uni and a terrifying possibility of failing my life even more. I’d still have sleep problems and occasionally burst into tears for the next ~6 months. And even then, it only started to slowly heal.

After a whole year, I don’t know if I can say I’m entirely fine. I do clearly realise that he wasn’t worth me and my love. But on the other hand, it was my first that serious and long relationship. I had plans for the future and I have plenty of good memories, mostly from the beginning of it. It’s not something I’d like to erase from my head – I definitely learnt a lot from it. But at the same time, I was unable to smile and have any kind of fun for like half a year after it all got ruined. Also, I’m in the age when many girls get proposed to/get married or even already have their own house and a kid or two. And it feels so bad and hopeless that I’m all alone.

As I said, a few months ago I started to slowly recover from this whole situation. I changed my environment and spend time with new friends, and it feels great and refreshing. I can genuinely laugh and have fun, something that I was nearly sure I’d never experience again.

New Year’s resolution? I’d like to write a part 2 of this story next January, in which I can sincerely say I’ve recovered and, most importantly, I’m happy with my life.

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Grandmother’s Day Quilled Card

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Gingerbread Spiced Disaster – How To Survive Festive Time

Gingerbread Spiced Disaster – How To Survive Festive Time

Although Christmas is a long-awaited time that most of us who celebrate it love, it’s filled with dangerous spikes that can poison the blissful, festive atmosphere. Let’s have a look at what to avoid to have this holiday season stay jolly and not turn into a gingerbread spiced disaster.

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