Inspired by this week’s discover challenge I thought I’d write a few words on why it’s good to be selfish when we’re trying to find our place in this world.

I should start by saying that – in my own eyes – I’m a very empathic person and for my nearest and dearest I’d do pretty much everything. However, I’ve learnt the hard way that sometimes it’s good to set aside our altruism and be a little bit selfish.

Relationships

I used to think that being in a relationship means you should always be there for the other person and value their happiness above your own. I still think that, in a perfect world of equally dedicated people, it would be the recipe for the most successful relationship possible. However, reality seems to be a lot different. If you’re an eternal giver and your partner is a little bit more of a receiver, it’ll soon turn into a relation in which you’re the one doing your best to make the other person happy and they just start to take you for granted and don’t really appreciate your effort. Of course, in matters of great consequence we should always be there for our partners and support them in hard times, but on every day basis it’s good to sometimes demand stuff for ourselves instead of always being the giving side. Unless you wanna wake up after some months in a messed up relationship in which you do all the effort and they don’t even care.

Career

First things first – I don’t support the ubiquitous rat race. We live in a crazy time and if you want to get somewhere it’s not enough to have all qualifications – what helps more is being able to fight for your sake by all means possible. I personally believe that having a calm, friendly atmosphere between your colleagues is a lot healthier than living the rat race and wanting to kill yourself and everyone else after 8 hours spent at work. However, not everyone’s like that and it’s important not to let people use you. And if you really want to be promoted – sorry to say that, but you’ll have to be the loudest & strongest one fighting, not the one with the most charming smile.

Personal goals

I fell into this trap myself: I lived my life only to be the best for other people, forgetting to also take care about myself. And although it’s great to see the smile on your loved ones’ faces, if you continue to give up on your own goals only to make others happy, they might eventually stop even noticing your effort and take it as a norm that has and will always be there. You, on the other hand, will wake up one day being washed out of all your goals, feeling no sense in your life. And it’s really, really hard to build your life once again from scratch once it’s been wiped out.

To sum up I’d say that while trying to find our place in the world of relationships with other people it’s really important to keep a good balance between generosity & nobility and the good sort of selfishness. Once the balance is disturbed, it’s really, really hard to get back on the right track and sort out your life and goals.

P.S.

The photo also fits the topic, but in a physical rather than abstract way. It’s my absolute favourite place in the world, I left my heart there over 10 years ago and it’ll probably stay there forever, forcing me to come back there from time to time no matter where I settle down.