Finding your place – why it’s good to be selfish

Finding your place – why it’s good to be selfish

Inspired by this week’s discover challenge I thought I’d write a few words on why it’s good to be selfish when we’re trying to find our place in this world.

I should start by saying that – in my own eyes – I’m a very empathic person and for my nearest and dearest I’d do pretty much everything. However, I’ve learnt the hard way that sometimes it’s good to set aside our altruism and be a little bit selfish.

Relationships

I used to think that being in a relationship means you should always be there for the other person and value their happiness above your own. I still think that, in a perfect world of equally dedicated people, it would be the recipe for the most successful relationship possible. However, reality seems to be a lot different. If you’re an eternal giver and your partner is a little bit more of a receiver, it’ll soon turn into a relation in which you’re the one doing your best to make the other person happy and they just start to take you for granted and don’t really appreciate your effort. Of course, in matters of great consequence we should always be there for our partners and support them in hard times, but on every day basis it’s good to sometimes demand stuff for ourselves instead of always being the giving side. Unless you wanna wake up after some months in a messed up relationship in which you do all the effort and they don’t even care.

Career

First things first – I don’t support the ubiquitous rat race. We live in a crazy time and if you want to get somewhere it’s not enough to have all qualifications – what helps more is being able to fight for your sake by all means possible. I personally believe that having a calm, friendly atmosphere between your colleagues is a lot healthier than living the rat race and wanting to kill yourself and everyone else after 8 hours spent at work. However, not everyone’s like that and it’s important not to let people use you. And if you really want to be promoted – sorry to say that, but you’ll have to be the loudest & strongest one fighting, not the one with the most charming smile.

Personal goals

I fell into this trap myself: I lived my life only to be the best for other people, forgetting to also take care about myself. And although it’s great to see the smile on your loved ones’ faces, if you continue to give up on your own goals only to make others happy, they might eventually stop even noticing your effort and take it as a norm that has and will always be there. You, on the other hand, will wake up one day being washed out of all your goals, feeling no sense in your life. And it’s really, really hard to build your life once again from scratch once it’s been wiped out.

To sum up I’d say that while trying to find our place in the world of relationships with other people it’s really important to keep a good balance between generosity & nobility and the good sort of selfishness. Once the balance is disturbed, it’s really, really hard to get back on the right track and sort out your life and goals.

P.S.

The photo also fits the topic, but in a physical rather than abstract way. It’s my absolute favourite place in the world, I left my heart there over 10 years ago and it’ll probably stay there forever, forcing me to come back there from time to time no matter where I settle down.

23 thoughts on “Finding your place – why it’s good to be selfish”

  1. Absolutely. It took a while before I learned to take care of myself and be selfish of my needs, but now that I do it’s absolutely great.

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  2. “I fell into this trap myself: I lived my life only to be the best for other people, forgetting to also take care about myself. ” I was exactly the same. When I changed and started thinking of myself, I was accused of being selfish. The feeling is great from my side.

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  5. I loved your piece, though I fall under the category of people who exhaust themselves for people who matter by default and end up feeling lost and at ground zero while others have reached miles away and accuse you of not being potent enough to be an achiever and you end up accusing yourself with your situation and everything else. There’s a saying in my land- Sawaari apne saaman ki khud zimmedar hai ( every traveller is responsible for their own luggage) when we try to help everyone to move on, they actually do. We should rather focus on saving ourselves and picking our luggage.
    Your article strikes a chord with me.
    Happy to read it first thing in morning
    I will try to be selfish and seek my happiness today

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    1. I’m glad to hear that. Good luck to you, I know how hard it is to learn to focus on ourselves when we’re used to always being there for others, but finally getting to the point of a healthy balance between the two makes life a lot easier 🙂

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  6. Wow, this was me for years!! All I cared about was making sure everyone else was happy, that’s all I wanted… and it made me happy… or did it? Don’t get me wrong, I still want other people happy, but now I realize I have to be happy to.. so being selfish or whatever, I have realized I have to come first… great blog!

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    1. Thanks! 🙂 Of course, I do want to make others happy too, but I’ve learnt that there has to be a healthy balance between caring about ourselves and caring about others 🙂

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  7. Alphe, I love your blogs. I can really connect with feeling as if the writing will come off to a rough start. In fact, I was contemplating on blogging for over two years and finally just gave in. I have seen your post in a comment section and decided to check out your blogs and really enjoyed them. You have such a welcoming feeling with your words that others can relate to.

    I’m very new to this and just did my introduction today. My plans are to blog about coping with invisible illnesses and diseases as I was born with a rare genetic condition called Ehlers Danlos, I also want to blog on mental health, and the greiving aspect of losing a loved one. I want to turn my negative experiences into something positive for others. I feel as if I can help one person in the world than my goal is accomplished. I still have a lot of learning to do about this blogging life, lol.

    I have followed you to check up on your updates. If you would like to check my introduction out please do so at : Expressit2017.wordpress.com

    Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy your blogging.

    -Ashley

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    1. Thanks a lot for your kind words! I truly believe that expressing our negative experiences not only helps us feel better, but may indeed help others with the same issues.
      I’m on my way to check out your story 🙂 Also, good luck with blogging, hope you enjoy it!

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      1. You’re welcome, I feel the same exact way 🙂

        Thank you for taking your time to comment back and to check out my introduction as well. I really appreciate it 🙂
        Hope to see more blogs from you soon.
        -Ashley

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  10. Pingback: New Year’s Resolutions 2018 – Alphe's corner

    1. why I’m feeling like i have lost my comment somewhere here, all i want is i want to know what the comment really is, because i was somewhat lost while on writing that COMMENT, just consider as a request from my side,

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      1. Hey! I was going through advanced admin options of my site and saw a couple of your comments flagged as spam. Looks like you left a few replies in a short period of time and WordPress removed them without telling me :/

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